Sub Rosa or More than I Can Ever Say
by Sword Pen
Summary: Oneshot. Old memories return as Sophie stands in a quiet cemetary beside her grandfather's grave. Sophie angst.


**Disclaimer:** No, I am not Dan Brown. If I was, I'd buy myself a better computer.

**A/N: **Yes, I'm back! I'm writing angst again!

**Dedication: **To all the reviewers of "Guardian Angel"

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**Inspirations:**

"Where did so many tears come from?"- Cornelia Funke, _Inkspell_

"_Every time _

_The rain comes down_

_Close my eyes and listen_

_I can hear the lonesome sound _

_Of the sky as it cries_."

- Enya, "It's in the Rain"

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**Sub Rosa or More than I Can Ever Say**

_There was an embossed fleur-de-lis on his coffin. It struck Sophie as appropriate. _

More than I can ever say…

_The soil spilled across the coffin, obscuring it, blanketing it until there was only earth once more._

That was yesterday.

Today, there was almost no one here.

The sky above her was gray, a steel gate holding back the flood, a veil of silence that cloaked everything…

A damp melancholy that clung to her clothes, that whispered in the grass, that gripped the gravestones in icy fingers…

The sky had been gray on that day twenty-eight years ago…

_Sophie was four years old again. She shivered; even with her coat and scarf, it was cold. They were black. All the people's clothes were… She hated black._

Sophie was wearing black again, today. It seemed the whole world was. She closed her eyes, breathing in, remembering…

_Her small hand was clutched tightly in her grandfather's larger one. She stared at her parents' caskets being lowered into the ground, at the empty graves marked for her _grand-mère _and baby brother._

_She looked toward the sky. It seemed as though she was staring at the gates of a vast fortress._

"_How will they get to heaven, _Grand-père_?"_

_The people around her turned, shushing her, willing her not to intrude upon their grief…_

_She ignored them, for what did they know of grief?_

_Saunière ignored them also. "They will, sweetie," he whispered, his eyes misted over with tears. "They will."_

Perhaps, she didn't believe in heaven, anymore. Perhaps.

She traced the _rosa rugosa _on his tombstone. The marble felt cold beneath her fingers.

"_Sweetie, rather than lock each other out, we can each hang a rose- la fleur de secrets- on our door when we need privacy. This way we learn to respect and trust one another. Hanging a rose is an ancient Roman custom."_

Well, she was locked out now. She had locked herself out.

_Ten years…_

…_respect and trust one another…_

Sophie felt her throat tighten, but there were no more tears. It seemed she had used up a lifetime of tears ten years ago.

_Ten years…_

Saunière was beneath the rose, now; along with all his secrets.

_And all the puzzles. And all the bedtime stories._

Sophie closed her eyes again, trying to control her emotions, to shut everything out.

_Perhaps not _all _his secrets._

_The truth wasn't lost._ She opened her eyes again.

_I did it, _Grand-père.

She glanced over at Robert Langdon. He was standing a little way away, apparently absorbed in his own thoughts. He said he hadn't wanted her to be alone today.

Suddenly, that didn't seem so ridiculous anymore.

_We did it._

Suddenly, the rain began to fall, as if the sky couldn't hold it back any longer.

Without really thinking about it, Sophie began to move back toward a copse of trees on the edge of the cemetery.

Robert touched her arm. "I'm sorry," he whispered, and fell silent, for what more was there to say?

Sophie felt the tears begin to fall. "No. I am. More than I can ever say…"

Robert simply held her, and Sophie felt her remorse begin to flow away with her tears.

Her grandfather had given her a family… _Grand-mère, and my little brother… and Robert._

She began to move back into the graveyard.

"Thank-you," she whispered. She was running, now, almost like a little girl again. The fresh mud clung to her shoes, but she didn't care.

The black-clad people hurrying for their cars looked at her as if she might be insane, but Sophie ignored them, standing in the rain and letting it wash ten years away.

"Thank-you," she said again. "More than I can ever say."

Robert Langdon joined her. He put his coat around her shoulders, but didn't try to draw her out of the downpour.

Perhaps he understood.

And the pair of them stood in silence as the clouds drew back as swiftly as they had come.

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**A/N:** So did you like it? What can I improve on? Should I upload the rest of my Sophie angst?


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